Mystery Machine
by joedan84
Summary: (FINISHED!!) One sentence and two rocks starts everyone on a zany adventure. (My first fic like this, so be gentle!)
1. I Know Who We Are

Started: December 19, 2002

Finished: January 7, 2003

Last Episode Seen Before Writing: Skinwalker

Pairing: Eventually Pete/Lana (aka Fred/Daphne) and Chloe/Clark (aka Velma/Shaggy)

Rating: PG 

Category: Humor, Parody

Spoilers: None

Summary: One sentence and two rocks start everyone on a zany adventure.

Disclaimer: I do not own Smallville, its characters, or its amazing writers. Same goes for Scooby Doo. And I got this from the movie; I don't watch the cartoon. 

Author's Note: Much thanks to Maryclare who made me realize that a basic knowledge of the movie wasn't going to help with squat and was there to answer my never-ending questions. But, I also did base the characterization more on the movie than the cartoon, because the movie is what I know.

****

Mystery Machine

Chapter 1- I Know Who We Are

Chloe sat at her laptop, sipping a coffee.

"Need a refill?" Lana asked, walking up with a coffeepot.

Chloe smiled up at her friend. "Sure," she said, holding her cup out.

"What are you working on?" Lana questioned.

Chloe gestured to the two rocks on the table. "I'm trying to find out what the difference between the two meteor rocks are," she said, picking up the fist-sized green one. 

"One is green, the other's red," Lana pointed out.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," Chloe said, setting down the green one to pick up the red one. "I mean, what else is different?"

"Hey, guys," Pete grinned, walking up with Clark.

Clark stumbled, and Pete grabbed his arm to steady him. "What's wrong, man?"

Clark glanced at Chloe and Lana. Lana had picked up the green meteor and was tossing it between her hands. "Clark? Are you okay?" she asked, looking at him. 

"Want to help me find out the deal with these rocks?" Chloe asked hopefully. As she said it the red and green rock began to glow, giving off a dull glow. Lana tilted her hand toward Chloe, bumping the rocks together.

"Like I've said before Chloe, we'd love to join you and Scooby inside the Mystery Machine for another zany adventure, but…" Pete was cut off when it felt like something passed through him. Everyone swayed as if they felt the same thing.

"Uh guys, what happened?" Chloe asked, glancing at her friends. "And what are we wearing?" She glanced down at her red turtleneck sweater, pleated red skirt, knee high orange socks, and red Mary Janes. When she ran a hand through her hair her hair was now curled under.

Lana's eyes got wide. "Uh," she mumbled uncomfortably. She shifted lower in her seat to pull down the hem of the deep pink mini skirt she was wearing. Her knee high pink leather boots itched her calves, and she reached down to adjust them.

"I look like a spoiled rich kid," Pete complained, pulling on his white sweater over the blue dress shirt. He tugged on the red ascot tied around his neck.

"Uh, you guys?" Clark asked, looking at his friends. He smoothed his green T-shirt and brown corduroys. "I think I know who we are."

"What do you mean, 'who we are?' We know who we are! Just, how did we end up…" Chloe trailed off. "On second thought, Clark go on."

"Help! Help!" a woman came screaming into the Talon. "Please, you have to help me!" 

Pete stood, puffing his chest slightly to look more masculine as the woman ran to them.

"Please, you're our only hope!" she exclaimed.

Clark's face dropped as he looked to his friends. His eyes took on a worried expression. "Like, we're Mystery Inc."

The woman looked questioningly at Pete, then ran out of the Talon, still screaming about needing help.


	2. Like, You're Velma, Man

Chapter 2- Like, You're Velma, Man

Total confusion masked Lana's face. "Who? I don't understand."

"Pete said Scooby and the Mystery Machine," Clark tried.

Pete groaned. "And now we're Mystery Inc."

"Are you telling me that we're the cast of Scooby Doo?" Chloe asked. "You have got to be kidding me. I mean, I've heard some pretty far-fetched theories, but this?"

"Hey, Ron," Clark called to a boy a few tables over. "What's my name?"

Ron rolled his eyes. "Give it a rest, Shaggy. You're the only one who thinks you're funny."

Clark looked at Chloe as if that proved his point. 

"So, you're saying that you're Shaggy?" Chloe asked in disbelief.

Pete adjusted his ascot proudly. "I'm Fred. I knew I'd be the good looking one," he said, running a hand delicately over his head.

Lana smoothed back her hair, giving her head a shake to make her hair bounce. "Wait, what am I doing?" she asked in shock.

"Jinkies! Lana's Daphne!" Chloe exclaimed. "Jinkies?!"

"Like, you're Velma, man," Clark told her, gaping at the change in his voice. "This is like uber creepy."

"But I look good," Pete said, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"What about the rest of us?" Chloe asked, glancing at her friends. "I'm in a turtle neck, Clark's wearing cords, and Lana's in a mini skirt."

Pete gave Lana a charming smile. 

"It must be the combined forces of the two highly toxic meteor rocks," Chloe said in a dignified tone. She shook her head as if to clear it. "I mean, something must have happened when Pete said that and the two rocks touched."

"That's what I was thinking all along," Pete agreed, puffing his chest a little more. Before anyone could respond the woman ran back in.

"Help! Help me!" she screamed.

Pete took her by the shoulders. "Tell us what happened, ma'am."

The woman seemed taken aback by Pete's good looks. "There was a ghost! In Mister Luthor's bedroom!" she squealed.

"Like, slow down," Clark told the woman. "I know you. Like, you're Lionel's nurse."

The woman nodded frantically. 

Chloe stood, walking to the woman's side. She clasped her hands behind herself. "Calm down, ma'am, and tell us what happened."

The woman took a deep breath as Lana stood. Lana put all her weight on one leg, putting the other out to the side. She began to twist a strand of long hair between her fingers, watching it as she played with it.

"I went into Mister Luthor's room when I heard a commotion. Standing over his bed was a ghost. It has a pillow in its hands that it was lowering onto Mister Luthor's face," the woman exclaimed. "When I screamed Mister Lionel woke up. I looked at him, and by the time I looked back up the ghost was gone."

Pete grinned at Chloe. "Ready for that zany adventure I was talking about?" he asked with a devilish smile.


	3. I Quit

Chapter 3- I Quit

"What is that monstrosity?" Chloe asked, following her friends out of the Talon.

"Like, it's the Mystery Machine, man," Clark said, breaking into a grin and jogging to the large van.

"What am I supposed to do?" Lana asked, smacking her gum.

"Help solve the mystery," Pete answered as if it were obvious.

"The first step is to get to the scene of the crime, i.e. the Luthor mansion," Chloe said decidedly.

"You know, you like act so much like Velma it's scary," Clark said, opening the side door to the Mystery Machine.

Pete moved to check his hair in the side view mirror, rubbing at an invisible stain on his front tooth. "Let's go."

Lana climbed into the back of the Mystery Machine, sitting primly on the floor as Clark climbed into the driver's seat and Pete and Chloe sat in the back.

"Let's review the facts," Chloe said, looking from Pete to Lana. "Supposedly there's a ghost in the Luthor mansion."

"And it's trying to kill Lionel, man," Clark threw back from the front seat.

"How many times do I have to say it?" Pete asked, adjusting his white sweater. "There's no such things as ghosts."

"Ghosts are creepy," Lana put in.

Chloe rolled her eyes. "Thanks for the input."

"Like, how do we get out of here?" Clark asked.

"Like, why do you keep talking like that?" Pete mocked Clark.

"It seems as if the longer we're Mystery Inc., the more we act like them," Chloe said, looking to her friends for agreement. 

"That's why you're acting like such a know-it-all," Lana said, smiling sweetly at Chloe.

"Yeah, well maybe that's why you're acting like a little princess," Pete said, trying to defend Chloe. "Daphne really fits you."

Lana's mouth dropped open before her mouth took on a full pout.

"Hey, like leave her alone, man. You're the one acting so full of yourself," Clark shot at him. "Checking yourself out in the mirror."

"At least every other word out of his mouth isn't 'like' or 'man,'" Chloe threw at Clark.

"I quit," Lana said, still in pout-mode.

Chloe huffed. "You can't quit, because we're _not really them_," Chloe said, getting louder.

"You don't have to yell," Lana said sadly.

"Like, we just need to find a way to get back to reality," Clark said, pulling into the Luthor mansion.

"I suggest we play this out. Doing that we may reverse the effects that the rocks have had and return to our own reality," Chloe said, straightening her shoulders.

"Or we could just bang the rocks together _real_ hard and say 'there's no place like home,'" Lana suggested.

Chloe adjusted the thick rimmed glasses on her nose. "Let's just go."


	4. Assessing The Situation

Chapter 4- Assessing The Situation

"Velma?" Lex asked, looking at the girl in the red sweater. "Velma?"

Clark nudged Chloe in the ribs. "Like, that's you, man."

Chloe's head snapped up. "Yes, Mr. Luthor?"

"I was asking what your plans were," Lex repeated.

"Yes," Chloe said, clasping her hands behind her back and beginning to pace. "I suggest we all stay here for the night. We will set up surveillance cameras there, there, and there, with links to a video system in the next room. After that my friends and I will take turns keeping watch throughout the night."

Pete adjusted his ascot. "That's what my thoughts were."

Chloe rolled her eyes. "Sure, Pe- uh, Fred."

"That sounds excellent, if you need me I'll be down the hall," Lex said, leaving the room.

Lana flung herself onto the large bed laden with silk sheets and pillows. "I think I should stay in here and keep watch," she said, looking around the room with concentration written on her face.

"Like, we gotta be careful, man. What if the ghost shows up?" Clark asked, looking at his friends.

"I said, there's not such things as ghosts," Pete insisted. "Don't you ever listen?"

Clark looked like a puppy that had been hit with a rolled up newspaper. "Scooby-Doo, where are you?!"

"Uh, Clark. Sorry to break it to you," Lana said, standing and putting an arm on Clark's shoulder. "But there's no Scooby."

"Let's just set up the equipment and let Lionel go to bed," Chloe said tiredly.

Pete started to unload all the equipment. He began to set up the surveillance cameras. "Where did you want them?"

Chloe pointed around the room. "There, there, and there."

"I'll help," Clark said, walking to Pete. He tripped on some of the cords and went sprawling across the bed. "Oops."

"Jinkies," Chloe muttered, watching Clark fall.

"Can you try and not hurt anything?" Lionel asked, looking ruffled.

"We're not hurting anything," Lana said with a bright flirty smile. 

"You can go to bed now, Mr. Luthor. We'll keep watch," Chloe informed him.

"It's about time," Lionel sneered.

"Like, you don't have to be so rude," Clark muttered, following the others out of the room.


	5. Unmasking The Villain

Chapter 5- Unmasking The Villain

"Guys! Guys wake up! The ghost is in there!" Daphne whispered loudly, pointing at the computer screen. When they stirred slightly she got a determined look on her face. "I'll unmask the villain all by myself and show them how much they need me!"

"Lana?" Pete asked, sitting up. "Guys, Lana's going in there alone!"

The others were shocked by a scream. Looking on the computer monitor they saw a man in white throw Lana over his shoulder and rush to the door as Lionel sat up in bed.

"I am _not_ a victim! I am _not_ a damsel in distress!" Lana insisted, beating her fists against the man's back.

Clark, Pete, and Chloe raced into the hall.

"Unhand her," Pete demanded.

The man in white stopped, turning to face the teens. His white outfit was complete with a pillowcase for a hood. 

"Who are you, the KKK?" Pete asked, stepping back a step. He began to ease himself behind Clark.

"I'm Lionel's worst nightmare," the man said.

Chloe rolled her eyes. "Who made your costume, your mommy?"

"I happen to be very scary, creepy, and spooky," the man informed them. "And now I'm going to take Daphne and…"

"You're not going anywhere," Pete said with a burst of energy. He picked up a hose that just happened to be lying around and started swinging it Kung Fu style. He belted the guy right in the forehead, causing him to drop Lana.

"That was far out, man," Clark said with a grin. 

Pete went to Lana and pulled her to her feet. She ended up against him, her face mere inches from his.

"What's going on?" Lex asked, his voice booming.

"We have caught the 'ghost,'" Chloe answered, strolling to the man's side. "And he is…"

"Ooh! Ooh! Let me do it!" Clark said eagerly.

Chloe smiled encouragingly. "Alright, Cl- er, Shaggy. You do it."

Clark practically skipped to Chloe's side, reaching for the mask. "And the ghost is," he said, ripping off the mask. "Dad?"

"Mr. Kent?" Chloe asked in shock.

Jonathan looked up at the people surrounding him. "I would have had my revenge if you meddling kids hadn't stuck your noses where they didn't belong," he said, a red welt growing on the side of his head.

Lana turned, staying close against Pete. "But why?"

"He made me convince the Ross' to sell the factory. It was all his fault," Jonathan said, hate filling his eyes.

"Thank you four for figuring this out," Lex said, moving forward.

"Like, it was all Velma's idea, man" Clark said with a grin.

Chloe smiled brightly up at Clark. "Well, I had good help."

Clark slipped his arm around Chloe's shoulders, his smile growing. He looked over to where Pete had an arm around Lana's waist. The four smiled at each other as Lex called security to take Jonathan away.


	6. Back In Smallville

Chapter 6- Back In Smallville

"Whoa, like what happened, man?" Clark asked, looking around the Talon. He was standing behind Chloe with his arms around her waist.

"You can stop talking like that, Clark. I think we're back," Chloe said, looking over her shoulder at him.

Clark stumbled into Chloe, almost pushing her over. She turned quickly, putting a hand on his chest to steady him. "Clark, what's wrong?"

Pete looked at the table where he was sitting. "Uh, Chloe. Think you can put the meteors away?" he asked.

Lana turned to look at Pete, but stopped when she realized she was too close. "Hi," she said with an embarrassed blush.

Pete slid his arm from behind her to her shoulders. "Hey."

"Sure, Fred. I mean, Pete," Chloe said, making sure Clark was okay before moving to the table.

Lana looked from Pete to the table. She picked up the red meteor rock. "It's amazing what these two little things could do."

Chloe picked up the green one. "Yeah, it was out of this world," she said, her hand slipping forward.

"Nooooo!" Clark and Pete yelled as the rocks connected.


End file.
